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Diwali Dreamin'

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An ode to home, real November, and the friends who don't need to know everything to know what I want and need:

I miss it. I miss being more than these polite souls, who say hello in public, and are like sisters in shadows.
I miss being in the cold air, crisp, with my voice puffing out laughs with the last of my breath in the freezing winter's night, running like our youth, our time together, out like a match.
I miss the house I had lived in for fifteen "carefree" years, unaware of its fleeting glory, it's ineffable beauty of simplicity.
I want nothing more than one more night on your moth-eaten, lumpy, comfy old sofa. With old movies and new, echoes of our childhood and our future playing alongside the soundtracks.
I need one more silly spontaneous dessert date, if only to reaffirm that you will never waver, and will always be there. Even if you change your clothes, or your style, you'll be my homes.
I wish for one day more: to make a change. To take a chance. To show the ghosts of my past that fear only holds you back.
I miss those sunny days, early in the season, full of possibility. Sweaty with determination: this summer would be one to remember.
I long for one last jaunt in the city: new friends and old. The city that I have simultaneously always known yet still discover anew every year.
I demand clarity: this quality that my life here lacks. My future is as foggy as the bay, that I am not entirely sure I want to adopt.
I require a roof, some food, some purpose. Actually, just the purpose. I can be hungry and homeless so long as I am fulfilled! But can I? The constant doubts of the lengths I will go astonish even me.
No, I require stability. Independence. And a little side order of purpose. Happy? 
Sigh. Happy Diwali! Though this post was all grumpsicles, I am actually quite happy about the holiday. Seeing my family in the Bay (& I mean, pretty much the WHOLE family) totally will tide me over until Christmas, but that doesn't stop me missing my homegirls & New England.   
Adieu!                                                                                                                                     -Maithreyi
NaNoWriMo: 1700? Ideas, not words :/
Late night Dominos: iii

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