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I'm not standing still, I'm lying in WAIT.

The lyrics of "Wait for It" always have me belting at the top of my lungs at any moment I hear them: in the shower, in the car, in my house when I am chilling out and trying to relax by listening to "Hamilton"... This line in particular: "I am inimitable, I am a original... I'm not falling behind or running late, I'm not standing still, I'm lying in WAIT." stands out to me because at 25, and living in 2017 with all the social media highlight reels of my friends' lives, I constantly need to remind myself that life is a marathon, and I am at a completely different point of it than my peers -- and comparing them is doing me no favors and not necessary. I am an ORIGINAL. And I am setting the chess pieces of my life into motion, but I also have to yield final control to the universe.

The steps I have taken: pursuing courses in Data Science and Public Speaking, applying to graduate school, making connections both in my company and in the Boston technology space--these are all steps into the identity I wish to pursue for myself as a technical expert who can eloquently articulate ideas at a vaunted role in society. Also, over the last few months, I have been asked many different ways and times about where I want to go professionally and trying to answer both short term and long term have enabled me to really hone in on what is important day in day out for my professional life and what can fall by the wayside. I feel as though owning my dreams and vocalizing them is paramount to achieving them, both personal goals and dreams as well as professional. It's a matter of accountability.

Personally, I feel as though I am finally reaching financial security, professional stability, and also developing friendships that are longer term and less dependent on historical ties and are more tied to socioemotional support. My friends who have been there for me, I am continuing to maintain relationships with. And those who aren't serving me, I am no longer putting effort into maintaining as "friends". For me, the difficulty comes with friends who live farway and whom I was close with in the past--I try my best, but these are the friendships that without technology, would completely cease to affect me. But whose Instagram stories and Facebook happy posts interrupt and plague me with questions like "Am I truly successful?"  or "Am I where I ought to be at 25?" or "Why am I not having X?" "Why am I not making Y?"

Societal success is measured in such odd increments-- we see personal success as having a romantic long term relationship and eventually creating a family. We see professional success as monetary or as status: working for a high tech firm like Google or Amazon or making enough for a Tesla and owning a home. All of these things are based on previous luck and circumstances often beyond one's control. For me, the biggest blessing 5 years ago was dropping out of Harvard's Graduate School of Education because it propelled me on this quest to discover my true professional path and to experience true failure and come out the other side. I have been overwhelmed by gratitude for every opportunity I have achieved since, but I also have ultimately humbled by the realization that life is in the journey.

I long now to share these stories of my experiences these past few years because now that I have "made it", I realize "making it" is still an ongoing process every damn day. Even in my current job, I constantly am humbled by what I do not know, what I strive to learn, and where I hope to grow.

Life is a constant struggle, but the struggle is why we are here.

I know this may be completely incoherent blog, but the snow and being cooped up has made me ruminate on these ideas. So I thought I would send them to my usual void.

Goodnight, dear void.
XOXO,
Maithreyi


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