"In the end it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years."~ Abraham Lincoln
I am now twenty years old. It is so hard for me to believe that fact. In many ways, I feel like age is such a gradual thing. My friends and I seldom act our age, but if "acting your age" means you suddenly lose your sense of humor and become super-serious, I don't think I will ever act my age. I enjoy Disney too much. I enjoy walking around malls with my face covered in cake, laughing into blissful oblivion. I enjoy singing along to Justin Bieber in empty malls, waiting until the last possible minute to walk out, huddling into my friends as we brave the scarily vacant parking lot together. I enjoy ripping open fortune cookies to read what some Chinese factory believes is my good fortune while eating the crispy cookie without a pause.
For me, twenty always felt like the end of the road in many ways. When I even first contemplated going to USC, I immediately was enamored of the idea that I would be graduating at the age of twenty. It felt so pure and thrilling--the idea of being so young, but yet ready to take on the world. Now that I am twenty, though, it feels as though it all passed by too fast. Many of my friends told me that upon turning twenty, they felt this unfulfilled feeling or this feeling of inadequacy. The "I'm twenty and I have nary an accomplishment to my name." feeling. Instead of that feeling, I experienced this feeling of possibility. I feel like this year, everything is possible. I feel like every summer I spent studying, or the endless hours of research on the plethora of topics, or the hours I have spent on my community programming, or every sleepless night I lay awake dreaming of the life I hope to achieve one day are all culminating into this one year. I feel like I am at the finish line of a race, and I can almost feel the gold medal around my neck--this anticipation, but also the desire to finish that race strong.
I think that twenty is about achieving that balance. I have always been a jack of all trades, master of none, idealist type of girl, but finally that urge in me will be fulfilled! I am finally going to be able to marry the two loves of my professional life: neuroscience and the field of education/policy. All my experiences in those seemingly unrelated fields have finally gotten the opportunity to shine and I am so liberated. The idea that my interest or thirst for science, my masochism, is purely self-driven is also strangely liberating. Once I know I am not doing it for anyone else but me, my effort goes up a hundred-fold. This was especially true for physics. I thought I was rubbish at physics, and I was at first because I was scared into thinking I may apply to medical school and that I may need top grades, and those fears got under my skin and affected my performance. My real strength and alacrity come from a base of self-satisfaction and self-fulfillment--not an exterior motivator like a daunting career path. Once I found those neuroscience/education combination programs, my effort in physics tripled and I ended the class with an A+ examination, something I never ever imagined I would have achieved. Because now I am motivated by my true desire to learn these subjects, and there is no other pretense, I feel like fall semester is going to go very smoothly. My new worries (and I always have some worries!) are that my applications are going to hold me back, and that I may not be fully qualified to do what I know I wish to do. But hopefully by working hard this summer on those applications will help me see that I can do what I dream.
But for now, I can sit back and relax because I know I have a family that loves me and friends that care. My trip to Panera with my brother showed me that sometimes making someone else's day is better than just reveling in your own birthday glory. Amma's watermelon cake was the best: she truly cares about me and wants to help me be a better person no matter what form that help takes. Appa didn't even bat an eye at buying me a present at Bendel's in NYC! He would give me the world if he could, and just knowing that makes my heart swell. My friends, like most Desi girls, wouldn't let me pay the bill for my meal, showered me with presents when the most important thing was that I got to spend time with them, and like true friends, frosted my face with white cream icing in the middle of a mall food court! It's incredible that our friendships have lasted through so many years. Most of these girls I met when I was fourteen or fifteen in high school--that's a good five years of friendship right there. Karishma and Neha, in some way, I feel like have always been present. They are my go-tos and my fall-backs. I know that Karishma's always there to support and have my back, and I know that Neha's there for me to ask advice or share a quick giggle. I have known both since I was 8 and 5 respectively-- more than half my life. Though we only became close through middle school and high school, they permeate my memories and just their presence makes me feel instantly at home.
I am beyond excited for what this year holds in store. Hopefully I will post more here so that you can follow along as it goes!
Newly twenty,
Maithreyi
I am now twenty years old. It is so hard for me to believe that fact. In many ways, I feel like age is such a gradual thing. My friends and I seldom act our age, but if "acting your age" means you suddenly lose your sense of humor and become super-serious, I don't think I will ever act my age. I enjoy Disney too much. I enjoy walking around malls with my face covered in cake, laughing into blissful oblivion. I enjoy singing along to Justin Bieber in empty malls, waiting until the last possible minute to walk out, huddling into my friends as we brave the scarily vacant parking lot together. I enjoy ripping open fortune cookies to read what some Chinese factory believes is my good fortune while eating the crispy cookie without a pause.
For me, twenty always felt like the end of the road in many ways. When I even first contemplated going to USC, I immediately was enamored of the idea that I would be graduating at the age of twenty. It felt so pure and thrilling--the idea of being so young, but yet ready to take on the world. Now that I am twenty, though, it feels as though it all passed by too fast. Many of my friends told me that upon turning twenty, they felt this unfulfilled feeling or this feeling of inadequacy. The "I'm twenty and I have nary an accomplishment to my name." feeling. Instead of that feeling, I experienced this feeling of possibility. I feel like this year, everything is possible. I feel like every summer I spent studying, or the endless hours of research on the plethora of topics, or the hours I have spent on my community programming, or every sleepless night I lay awake dreaming of the life I hope to achieve one day are all culminating into this one year. I feel like I am at the finish line of a race, and I can almost feel the gold medal around my neck--this anticipation, but also the desire to finish that race strong.
I think that twenty is about achieving that balance. I have always been a jack of all trades, master of none, idealist type of girl, but finally that urge in me will be fulfilled! I am finally going to be able to marry the two loves of my professional life: neuroscience and the field of education/policy. All my experiences in those seemingly unrelated fields have finally gotten the opportunity to shine and I am so liberated. The idea that my interest or thirst for science, my masochism, is purely self-driven is also strangely liberating. Once I know I am not doing it for anyone else but me, my effort goes up a hundred-fold. This was especially true for physics. I thought I was rubbish at physics, and I was at first because I was scared into thinking I may apply to medical school and that I may need top grades, and those fears got under my skin and affected my performance. My real strength and alacrity come from a base of self-satisfaction and self-fulfillment--not an exterior motivator like a daunting career path. Once I found those neuroscience/education combination programs, my effort in physics tripled and I ended the class with an A+ examination, something I never ever imagined I would have achieved. Because now I am motivated by my true desire to learn these subjects, and there is no other pretense, I feel like fall semester is going to go very smoothly. My new worries (and I always have some worries!) are that my applications are going to hold me back, and that I may not be fully qualified to do what I know I wish to do. But hopefully by working hard this summer on those applications will help me see that I can do what I dream.
But for now, I can sit back and relax because I know I have a family that loves me and friends that care. My trip to Panera with my brother showed me that sometimes making someone else's day is better than just reveling in your own birthday glory. Amma's watermelon cake was the best: she truly cares about me and wants to help me be a better person no matter what form that help takes. Appa didn't even bat an eye at buying me a present at Bendel's in NYC! He would give me the world if he could, and just knowing that makes my heart swell. My friends, like most Desi girls, wouldn't let me pay the bill for my meal, showered me with presents when the most important thing was that I got to spend time with them, and like true friends, frosted my face with white cream icing in the middle of a mall food court! It's incredible that our friendships have lasted through so many years. Most of these girls I met when I was fourteen or fifteen in high school--that's a good five years of friendship right there. Karishma and Neha, in some way, I feel like have always been present. They are my go-tos and my fall-backs. I know that Karishma's always there to support and have my back, and I know that Neha's there for me to ask advice or share a quick giggle. I have known both since I was 8 and 5 respectively-- more than half my life. Though we only became close through middle school and high school, they permeate my memories and just their presence makes me feel instantly at home.
I am beyond excited for what this year holds in store. Hopefully I will post more here so that you can follow along as it goes!
Newly twenty,
Maithreyi
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