Whatever Tomorrow Brings...

from my instagram, my first day working at widener library :) 

So I am here again. The day before the first day of school. For me, this day is a lot more significant and heavy and loaded than the actual first day because of this thing called anticipation. I keep putting ideas in my head about how things are going to be. I keep envisioning scenarios, thinking through situations, always putting myself at the bottom so I know how far I need to climb.

It's nice to know that in a lot of ways, the climb is over. I have "made it". I have been given the opportunity, the privilege to study at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. But in a lot of ways, I'm still climbing. I have reached the end of one goal, just to find myself making 10 others.

Goals which I may or may not ever reach. Goals that need to be reinvented to fit my life, not the other way around. I have finally learned that planning your life to fit a goal is not what a goal is meant for-- goals are supposed to motivate and inspire, not create a fear of not measuring up or a fear of not achieving.

I know that I am where I need to be. I am with my people, in a city I love and will get to know better, near the family and friends who had nurtured me and helped me grow but not forgetting that the past four years helped build me and root me in myself. I am not the girl I was four years ago, pining for MIT, planning on being a major research scientist. And while that girl lives on in me, she has changed. Four years ago, I think a grade made or broke me, and I built my perceptions of others on what I perceived to be intelligence. Now, I can honestly say I live more for the experiences and I live on and for empathy. I feel more than I think, and I can more easily relate to other people's thoughts and emotions. It is strange to think that my persona was so mutable at seventeen, but I am happier now.

Going into tomorrow, I want to just absorb everything and be grateful for all that got me there. I want to make friends, I want to get close to people, I want to be that person who is just fun to be around, but also honest and passionate and kind. It's hard to live out your ideals, but I feel like the first day of school is the best place to try your best because for all everyone else knows, this angelic vision is you. In your faux-self, your true self lives--that inner self with its wants and desires. No wonder the Mirror of Erised can see what your heart wants, our thoughts play out like a symphony through our eyes and actions.

Not to get totally philosophical or anything. I am excited to learn about what lies ahead tomorrow. I am excited for free food, new friends, laughter, and feeling a sense of belonging. I hope that Harvard or at least HGSE has a sense of pride and loyalty. A sense of Harvard family, perhaps? I mean nothing will compare to the Trojan Family, but it would be nice to know that Crimsonites/Harvardians/what-is-the-word-for-Harvard-students? have that sense of belonging. It is something so natural to me now that my friends are faithful, scholarly, ambitious, skillful, and courageous that I didn't realize how honorable and rare those qualities are. It'd be nice to know that Harvard/HGSE have a set of core values and principles as well. (At least it would make me feel like there's more to being a Harvard student than just being smart because that is quite intimidating.)

Anyway, I don't know if this was coherent, but i will post it anyway.
Good night, sleep tight, and see you soon, alright.

xoxo,
maithreyi